Likes and Hollow Bonds: The Tragedy of Modern Friendship- Maria

 U HAVE 1000 FOLLOWERS ? HOW'S THAT EVEN POSSIBLE ? That's awesome. I smirked at that because it felt like a victory to have my little brother stumbling for words like a gaping goldfish. But this tiny little moment I had with him caved path for questions that I didn't know the answers to (more like how I didn't want to subjugate my brain through this pain) like how many people you actually know, how many of them know about you and lastly but certainly the most important one how many of them actually care about you. And I measure this by how many of them wish on my birthday.

So what's the big deal about birthdays anyway you may very well ask. Well. Simple logic: it's NOT every day that one turns 18. It's obvious. The balloons, the cake, the stories about the birthday. They see it, possibly scroll past it or, even worse, like it and leave. ( at this point a single HBD would've lit up my face with joy) and that's the part that burns you more than the candle wax that falls on your hand - it's not the forgetting- it's the decision to not care. Ignored like the Thursday in a random week. And this turns into not for the birthday wish that's missed but for the version of the people who once remembered you. And birthdays are just the tip of the iceberg. I now know their dog's name, favourite hang-out spot, and their playlists, but we haven’t spoken in months. I’m not their friend, I am just a follower that happens to be on their list.

 Travelling down this spiral made me uncomfortable, to say the least. To be confronted by the truths that you wish were never true, but it unfortunately is and you got to deal with it. If not today - someday. It is the smallest - bite-sized bits of Indifference that tear apart people from each other without them even realising. From giving out a "k" to long detailed paragraphs, a random reaction (often without thinking ) to reels sent by your "loved ones", and to now think that it's these small silent k 's and emoji reactions that light up our screens. The remnants of a dead relationship.

It's crazy and beyond me how our relationships are now surviving on an IV drip of irony. And it's upsetting that at some point even the strong willed-deep convo-only texter will also give up on these K's because soon they'll come to realise that they were the bug in everyone else's inbox and that they are worth so much more than these little K’s. As soon as they stop texting, no one asks why, and they never dare start again. To be just a notification and no longer a person.

In my worldwide quest to find out what makes people do this in general ( because I am a hypocrite who loves to keep people on the edge of their seats by replying after 6 business days) I found the Japanese term Hikikomori literally means "to be confined" and is a form of social withdrawal, to be in your own little bubble; but having rusted to the digital world. In the modern context, it made me think of the ones who keep watching, observing, reading or maybe even reacting but NEVER interacting. Maybe we all are a bit Hikikomori - hiding behind screens because liking someone's story is easier than asking how they actually are.

This isn’t just a global phenomenon that exists in Japan alone. In our very own beautiful, busy country of India, the same thing is in a templated form of gifs, Cut-out stickers of each family member, and rip stickers ( literally can see my lovely dead ones rolling their eyes in their graves), The ones who keep their talkative selves shut. And again, you may ask, so what’s up with the people who put up stories about social issues? Aren’t they reacting? Yes, they are, and my take on this is that the ones that express lively and voraciously aren’t considered normal and are often left with comments like "So that’s triggering you!?”. It’s again way past my 2 brain cells how expressing your opinion on matters is now triggering and is considered "not normal" and how, instead, the ones who do not speak and just hear the stories are “normal”. Interesting.

This is to all the Friendships that were better left unsaid and to those that never bothered- a simple “k” could never replace depth and to realise it better soon than late comes with understanding your needs with a side hit of emotional maturity. To replace the craving for digital hearts with warm hugs and a conversation, a voice from the other side.